The 3 C’s: Connection, Communication & Consistency
I support parents to create better and stronger connections and communication with each of their family members. Once we have established this everything becomes so much easier; easier to create rules and routines and to set boundaries. We know that no one goes through family life stress and battle free – but if our starting point is healthy connection and communication we are more likely to bounce back and restore the balance and peace afterwards and come out the other end without negative scars and feelings of guilt.
I place empathy on consistency:
kids thrive when knowing what is expected from them (or not) and when their parents are predictable with their parenting tools and choice of boundaries. These means that kids don’t have to second guess how their parents are going to react or respond to their request or behaviour, and mum and dad become safe company to be with!
What is a predictable parent?
Three of the most important things you can do for your kids are: • Connect and communicate with your partner (even though he/she might be your ex) so you parent as a team • Connect with yourself and make space and time for self-care • Become a Predictable Parent We become safe company to be with when your child can PREDICT how you are going to respond to their requests, behaviour, moods and feelings.
Taking the time to become a predictable parent benefits both parent and child:
• Less boundary seeking and setting as they KNOW where your boundaries are and when they have reached your limits.
• Makes your child easier to parent: your child will match your calmness and confidence! Relaxed children are so much easier to parent because they are open to listening to us, working with us and creating a harmonious home.
• Builds on a healthy connection between you and your child: You will find that your child will respect you and become more open to want to spend positive time with you, tell you how they feel and what they have experienced in school and with friends. This means that when your child is going through challenges in life, they are not afraid to come to you and ask for advice as they are ‘prepared’ for your response and behaviour.
• Sets your child up for the future: you are your child’s biggest role model and when they see that YOU can control yourself, respond the right way and respect other people’s feelings it will affect your child’s ability to better control and regulate their own actions and emotions.
• Makes the world a more pleasant place to live for your child: if there is unpredictability and unpleasantness going on around the child when their parent is predictable there is less to figure out, worry about and maybe even be scared about. ‘I can predict how mum/dad is going to act if I throw a tantrum or get mad’.
• Makes your job easier: If you stick to what you have said you will do and have always done you will find that over time your child’s tantrums will become less frequent and less severe which means that you don’t feel you are putting out fires all the time and picking battles with your child.
• Makes you a confident parent: the measure of how successful our parenting tools are is not based on the child’s positive behaviour but on ours, and how we feel afterwards. When you become consistent in your responses you will find that you are doing what sits well with you AND also still respects the child. You will feel proud instead of guilty when feeling that you have done and said the right thing after a situation and not shamed, blamed or upset your child!
How to become a predictable parent:
Consistency is one of the hardest things, it is so easy to set rules and boundaries but let things slide when we are tired, stressed or have had a bad day.
• Be clear about your values
Be clear about your own boundaries
• Inform your child about your boundaries and what you will do (and not do) to stick to them and what will happen IF they choose to cross the line
• Agree with yourself how you will respond if your child throws a tantrum and then stick to it i.e. ignore, listen, stay calm etc.
• Take a time out: make sure you recharge your batteries every day so you can be prepared to respond consistently when your child tests your boundaries!
• Be kind to yourself: no one is perfect, and you will at times be unpredictable and that is OK! But if your starting point is a healthy and strong connection and positive communication you WILL bounce back and restore the connection!
How can I help you?
I support parents to be clear about their long-term goals and create the tools and strategies they need to get there. I offer parenting webinars and workshops to schools, corporates and organisations, as well as directly to parents. I also work 1-1 with parents through private coaching where we create a tailor-made parenting action plan for them and their family life.
CLICK here to contact me for more information All the best Mette Theilmann – Parent & Family Impact Coach and founder of Predictable Parenting