I've lived abroad both with and without my family. I've moved with excitement, fear, exhaustion and hope. Through all of these transitions, I've come to understand something vital.
Our happiness often depends on whether we spend our energy trying to fit in or to belong.
In London and Belgium, I experienced a deep sense of belonging. I felt respected, free and completely myself. I found people who shared my values, my dreams, my creativity and my slightly quirky way of seeing the world. I never felt the need to change who I was. I simply felt at home, and it all came natural.
China and Monaco were very different; it did not came natural to me and I felt I had to work for it. There, I found myself trying to fit in. The more I tried, the lonelier I became, even when I was surrounded by people. I struggled to find my tribe, people who truly understood the real me, especially the curious, creative and slightly unconventional parts of my personality.
Slowly, I found myself silencing my thoughts, hiding my ideas and making myself smaller. For the first time in my life, I questioned whether I was truly comfortable in my own skin, who was I, my identity - something I had always considered one of my greatest strengths.
Looking back now, I realise that moving abroad wasn't simply about changing countries. It became a threshold into something much deeper.
Living abroad has a way of stripping away the familiar. We lose routines, relationships, language, status, certainty and sometimes even the version of ourselves we thought we knew. It can feel lonely, unsettling and deeply uncomfortable.
But it can also be the beginning
What if it was the beginning?
This is something I often explore through Stillness in Motion. Many of the people I work with are navigating life transitions, moving abroad, changing careers, experiencing divorce, grief, crises, burnout or simply reaching a point where life no longer feels aligned. These moments often feel as though life is falling apart. Yet, with reflection, curiosity and courage, they can become the doorway into creating a life that feels more authentic than the one we left behind.
Sometimes we have to lose the familiar before we discover what truly feels like home.
Fitting In vs. Belonging
Fitting in is about changing yourself in order to be accepted. You adapt, edit yourself and try to blend in. Often it's driven by one quiet question. "Will they like me if they see who I really am?"
Over time, fitting in disconnects us from ourselves and, ironically, from the very people we're trying to connect with.
Belonging is something completely different. It means showing up as you are. It feels safe, nourishing and real. You don't have to perform. You simply get to be yourself.
As Brené Brown beautifully says, "Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging doesn't require us to change who we are, it requires us to be who we are."
In simple terms,
Fitting in is approval through adaptation.
Belonging is freedom through authenticity.
Every Transition Changes Our Story
One of the foundations of Stillness in Motion is the understanding that we all live by the stories we tell ourselves.
When something significant happens, like moving abroad, losing a relationship, changing careers, becoming a parent or entering a new stage of life, our old story often no longer fits.
We begin asking ourselves: "Who am I now?", "Where do I belong?", "What do I really want?". These aren't signs that something is wrong. They're signs that you're standing on a threshold. A threshold between who you've been and who you're becoming.
Through reflection, meaningful conversations and creativity, we begin exploring the stories we've inherited, the stories we've created to survive and the stories that are now asking to be rewritten. Not because our past was wrong, but because every new chapter invites us to become more of who we truly are.
How to Create Belonging When You Live Abroad
Building a life in a new country rarely creates belonging by itself. Belonging is something we intentionally cultivate.
- Stay Curious Before You Seek Comfort
Allow yourself to become a learner again. Explore beyond the expat community. Visit local markets, attend community events, take creative classes, join walking groups, cooking workshops or sports clubs. Look for places where people gather around shared interests and values rather than nationality.
Ask questions. Listen deeply. Let your new environment shape you, rather than simply trying to survive it.
And remember, if you can't belong somewhere, don't try to fit in. Keep looking. Your people are out there.
- Find People Who Share Your Values, Not Just Your Passport
When we first move abroad, it's natural to gravitate towards people who speak our language or come from the same country. Sometimes that helps. Sometimes it doesn't.
Real belonging comes from feeling seen, understood and accepted for who you are, not simply because you share the same nationality. Look for people who share your values, your humour, your curiosity and your outlook on life. They may not be the first people you meet, but they are worth searching for.
- Bring Your Story With You, But Don't Let It Define You
Don't rush to recreate the life you left behind. You don't have to erase your past in order to begin again.
Your experiences have shaped you, but they don't have to limit you. Every chapter of your life has given you strengths, resilience and wisdom. At the same time, every chapter also leaves behind beliefs, fears and stories that may no longer serve you.
Ask yourself, "Is this story still true?" "Or is it simply familiar?"
Share your story. Invite others to share theirs. Real connection isn't built through perfection. It's built through honesty. Don't be afraid to share the messy parts too. Vulnerability rarely pushes the right people away. More often, it invites genuine connection.
- Honour Both the Grief and the Growth
Moving abroad is a significant life transition. Even when it's your own choice, it often brings grief alongside excitement. You may miss familiar places, people, routines or even the version of yourself you were before the move.
Allow yourself to acknowledge those feelings rather than rushing past them. Cry if you need to. Feel scared. Feel sad. These emotions aren't signs that you're failing. They're signs that you're human.
Most importantly, don't carry them alone. Sometimes healing begins simply because someone listens without trying to fix you.
- Create New Traditions
Home isn't only a place. It's a rhythm. Perhaps it's your morning coffee on your new terrace, a weekly walk through the local market, a Friday swim, a monthly dinner with friends or simply taking time each week to explore somewhere new.
This is where I believe creativity becomes much more than painting, writing or making something beautiful. Creativity is our ability to consciously shape our lives. Every small ritual, every meaningful choice and every new experience becomes another brushstroke in the life we're creating.
Over time, those small rituals become home.
In Closing
I don't believe life changes us by accident. I believe every significant transition offers us an invitation. An invitation to pause. To listen. To reconnect with ourselves. To question the stories we've been living by. To create a life that feels more aligned with who we are becoming. Living abroad is one of those invitations.
It can feel as though everything familiar has disappeared. Yet it may also become the very moment you discover the strongest, wisest and most authentic version of yourself.
Fitting in offers surface acceptance. Belonging creates soul connection.
You, with all your courage, creativity and complexity, deserve far more than simply being tolerated. You deserve to be seen, to feel at home and to belong.
If you're standing at the beginning of a new chapter, whether on the Côte d'Azur or somewhere else entirely, remember that you are not alone. There are countless people around the world creating new lives in unfamiliar places, not simply surviving change, but growing through it.
So don't just ask yourself, "How do I fit into this new country?". Perhaps ask, "Who am I becoming because of it?"
That question has the power to change everything.
Let's stop trying to fit in. Let's choose to belong. Let's consciously create a life that feels like home, wherever we are in the world.
Your brain will thank you
